Whispers of the Soul by Nadia Nizam

In our homes and communities in Pakistan, a pervasive issue plagues us: the relentless pursuit of control. It's as if a psychological knot binds us, compelling everyone to manipulate and dominate one another. We all harbor a desire for others to dance to our tune, to live life as we dictate. While we may not always live our own lives to the fullest, we often seek to dictate the lives of those around us, making their existence unbearable. Parents want to control their children, expecting them to follow their every command. Husbands seek to dominate their wives, while wives, in turn, scheme to control their husbands. Sisters demand that their wishes prevail, and daughters-in-law strive to seize control of the household. It is rare to witness a son, guided by Islamic principles, gathering his sisters and mother to discuss their father's inheritance and urging them to claim their rightful shares promptly, easing the burden on their deceased father who will be questioned by God. Thi...

A family friend called me yesterday, expressing mixed emotions about her son moving to California. She asked for my honest opinion, and here it is the general opinion of majority of the pakistani people, my friend. The story of the hard-earned lives of self-made individuals in foreign countries begins the day they receive a visa, and families celebrate their child's achievement. However, in reality, this often leads to a loss of genuine love and bonding. Families cannot see the hardships faced by their children living far away, out of sight and reach. These individuals start their lives from ground zero, without support and affection during tough times. Parents cannot perceive their child's suffering, and siblings cannot feel the miserable foundation of their brother's or sister's life. While children in Pakistan live comfortably under their parents' roof, one child struggles day and night to earn enough money to pay rent, bills, insurance in a foreign country. That...

 The way people perceive you is a complex tapestry woven from their personal experiences, beliefs, and backgrounds. Often, I reflect on the various roles I inhabit in the narratives of others, realizing that to some, I am a villain, while to others, I am a savior. This dichotomy highlights a fundamental truth: their perceptions are largely shaped by their own histories and biases, rather than an accurate reflection of my true self. For instance,  My vibrant personality might be seen as charming by some, yet perceived as overwhelming by others. Similarly, the emotional openness that some find comforting can be viewed by others as a sign of weakness. Even my self-confidence, which I see as a source of pride, can be interpreted as arrogance in the eyes of a different observer.  This inconsistency underscores a critical lesson: I have no control over how others interpret my actions or character. Therefore, it’s essential to focus on self-acceptance and authenticity rather tha...

Do you know who is the most threatening woman to our society?   The one who truly knows herself and value her worth. A woman with self-esteem can be recognized by her personal boundaries. She is a woman who firmly says "no" and distances herself from any place or relationship that does not acknowledge her worth or essence without hesitation. A woman who values herself never begs for respect! She naturally establishes this in her relationships because she respects herself. In her life, no man acts disrespectfully, no friend speaks rudely, and no relative behaves inappropriately that she would tolerate. She removes all of them from her life. Her life is characterized by a sense of royalty, not based on wealth, but on her dignity, respect, and standards, which align with her true value. A woman with self-esteem never uses her emotions, needs, or desire for support as an excuse to remain in toxic or deceitful relationships. She easily distances herself from anything unworthy of h...

Today, my daughter overheard someone on the phone using harsh language and a ruthless tone. She couldn’t believe that I was laughing loudly and enjoying the whole situation. She asked, "Mama, was he drunk while talking?" I laughed for a long time, imagining that guy with a double shot of vodka in one hand and texting with the other. My daughter said, "Mama, you didn’t mind it at all." I replied, "My dear, on a serious note, I actually enjoy people like that. When someone is disrespectful, it shows nothing but immaturity and arrogance. Try not to take it personally; it’s not really about you, but rather a reflection of their own character. Only those who are unhappy with themselves are mean to others. When someone is trying to hide something and gets caught, they often react like shallow cowards to mask their insecurities.  Every unsuccessful person shares the same story: they showcase fake power by shouting, disrespecting others, and displaying arrogance. That’...

 Bert Hellinger said the "black sheep" of the family (they should be called "lions of the family") are actually born seekers of liberation paths for the family tree "Those who from a young age constantly sought to revolutionize beliefs, leaving the paths marked by family traditions, those criticized, judged and even rejected, those, are usually called to free the tree of repetitive stories that frustrate entire generations." "Those that do not adapt, those who shout rebellion, play a basic role within each family system; they repair, detoxify and create a new and flourishing branch in the family tree. Thanks to these members, our trees renew their roots. His rebellion is fertile land, his madness is water that nourishes, his stubbornness is new air, his passion is fire that rekindles the hearts of the ancestors." "Let no one make you doubt, take care of your "rarity" like the most precious flower in your tree. "You are the dre...

I started succeeding when I stopped fighting small battles. I no longer engaged with those who gossiped about me, as that would have been a waste of my energy. I chose not to fight with my siblings, cousins and in-laws, as those types of conflicts are often unproductive. I stopped seeking attention or trying to meet others' expectations of me, as that can be a distraction from pursuing your own vision. I also stopped fighting for my rights with people who were unlikely to listen or change. I realized that I needed to pick my battles wisely, and leave the petty fights for those who had nothing better to focus on.  Instead, I redirected my time and effort towards fighting for my own vision, dreams, ideas, and destiny. The day I gave up on those small, unwinnable fights was the day I started becoming truly successful. The key insight here is that not every fight is worth your time and energy. You have to choose what you're going to devote yourself to very carefully. Focusing on yo...

 The Sorrows of Ancestral Homes Ancestral homes are uniquely divided into courtyards, halls, verandas, airy rooms, and kitchens, yet connected to one another. In these homes, worn red brick floors and lime-washed damp walls are overgrown with rampant vines. Tall grass grows in the center, while a mango tree and a lemon tree stand sentinel, embodying a perpetual mourning as they silently gaze in one direction. Inside, the atmosphere is also uniform. Brass and copper utensils rest on the shelves, waiting for hands that dust and polish the furniture, while bowls and teapots remain empty. Clothes and linens stored in closets wait to be taken out, and walking sticks, wheelchairs, and canes search for hands to lean on. Framed family pictures—black-and-white and sepia photographs—along with old suitcases and sacred books, are placed on shelves, as well as ancient literature from Baba Adam's time; everything sits in its own designated place. The inhabitants of these ancestral homes are now...

Many Pakistanis dream of settling abroad, believing it offers better opportunities and a higher quality of life. However, this decision to leave one's homeland is often bittersweet.  When a young Pakistani crosses that metaphorical gate to pursue their fortunes overseas, the place they once called home no longer feels like their true home. There is a sense of finality to this decision - no longer can they simply return as they once did. Their room, their family home, becomes a place preserved more in memory than in daily life. As they board the plane and watch Pakistan fade into the distance, a profound realization sets in. The life they once knew has been left behind, and they must now start afresh in a foreign land. They are no longer just a common person, but an expatriate navigating the challenges of adapting to a new culture and environment. The distance from family and friends becomes a constant source of pain and guilt. The family back home may initially mourn the absence of...

 Oh, Pakistan, the land of woes, Where misery thrives and jealousy flows. Depression, competition, and hatred so grand, A toxic brew in this desolate land. Everyone claims to be a victim of envy, While secretly plotting their own treachery. Accepting others' happiness? Oh, what a joke, In this land of bitterness, it's all smoke. The poor struggle for their daily bread, While the rich chase after more they can spread. An unending battle, a never-ending strife, Where material possessions define one's life. Dishonesty, mistreatment, hypocrisy galore, Some will go to any length, that's for sure. Forcing their opinions with no regard, Leaving others wounded, their spirits scarred. In families, a toxic game is played, Siblings manipulate, hearts betrayed. Seeking approval, a sense of pride, In the eyes of parents, they strive to reside. Guilt-tripping children, a common theme, Comparisons made, crushing self-esteem. A tight-knit joint family, a suffocating prison, No room for...