Whispers of the Soul by Nadia Nizam

A family friend called me yesterday, expressing mixed emotions about her son moving to California. She asked for my honest opinion, and here it is the general opinion of majority of the pakistani people, my friend. The story of the hard-earned lives of self-made individuals in foreign countries begins the day they receive a visa, and families celebrate their child's achievement. However, in reality, this often leads to a loss of genuine love and bonding. Families cannot see the hardships faced by their children living far away, out of sight and reach. These individuals start their lives from ground zero, without support and affection during tough times. Parents cannot perceive their child's suffering, and siblings cannot feel the miserable foundation of their brother's or sister's life. While children in Pakistan live comfortably under their parents' roof, one child struggles day and night to earn enough money to pay rent, bills, insurance in a foreign country. That...

 جوانی میں انسان باپ کو شک کی نگاہ سے دیکھتا رہتا ہے ، جیسے باپ کو ہمارے مسائل ، تکلیفوں یا ضرورتوں کا احساس ہی نہیں ، یہ نئے دور کے تقاضوں کو نہیں سمجھتا . کبھی کبھی ہم اپنے باپ کا موازنہ بھی کرنا شروع کر دیتے ہیں ، " اتنی محنت ہمارے باپ نے کی ہوتی ، بچت کی ہوتی ،کچھ بنایا ہوتا تو آج ہم بھی ...فلاں کی طرح عالیشان گھر ، گاڑی میں گھوم رہے ہوتے " " کہاں ہو ؟ کب آؤ گے ؟ زیادہ دیر نہ کرنا " جیسے سوالات انتہائی فضول اور فالتو سے لگتے ہیں . " سویٹر تو پہنا ہے کچھ اور بھی پہن لو سردی بہت ہے " انسان سوچتا ہے کہ اولڈ فیشن کی وجہ سے والد کو باہر کی دنیا کا اندازہ نہیں . اکثر اولادیں اپنے باپ کو ایک ہی معیار پر پرکھتی ہیں، گھر ، گاڑی، پلاٹ ، بینک بیلنس ، کاروبار اور اپنی ناکامیوں کو باپ کے کھاتے میں ڈال کر خود سرخرو ہو جاتے ہیں " ہمارے پاس بھی کچھ ہوتا تو اچھےاسکول میں پڑھتے، کاروبار کرتے " اس میں شک نہیں ، اولاد کے لئے آئیڈیل بھی انکا باپ ہی ہوتا ہے لیکن کچھ باتیں جوانی میں سمجھ نہیں آتیں یا ہم سمجھنے کی کوشش نہیں کرتے ،اسلئے کہ ہمارے سامنے وقت کی ضرورت ...

 The way people perceive you is a complex tapestry woven from their personal experiences, beliefs, and backgrounds. Often, I reflect on the various roles I inhabit in the narratives of others, realizing that to some, I am a villain, while to others, I am a savior. This dichotomy highlights a fundamental truth: their perceptions are largely shaped by their own histories and biases, rather than an accurate reflection of my true self. For instance,  My vibrant personality might be seen as charming by some, yet perceived as overwhelming by others. Similarly, the emotional openness that some find comforting can be viewed by others as a sign of weakness. Even my self-confidence, which I see as a source of pride, can be interpreted as arrogance in the eyes of a different observer.  This inconsistency underscores a critical lesson: I have no control over how others interpret my actions or character. Therefore, it’s essential to focus on self-acceptance and authenticity rather tha...

Do you know who is the most threatening woman to our society?   The one who truly knows herself and value her worth. A woman with self-esteem can be recognized by her personal boundaries. She is a woman who firmly says "no" and distances herself from any place or relationship that does not acknowledge her worth or essence without hesitation. A woman who values herself never begs for respect! She naturally establishes this in her relationships because she respects herself. In her life, no man acts disrespectfully, no friend speaks rudely, and no relative behaves inappropriately that she would tolerate. She removes all of them from her life. Her life is characterized by a sense of royalty, not based on wealth, but on her dignity, respect, and standards, which align with her true value. A woman with self-esteem never uses her emotions, needs, or desire for support as an excuse to remain in toxic or deceitful relationships. She easily distances herself from anything unworthy of h...

 Bert Hellinger said the "black sheep" of the family (they should be called "lions of the family") are actually born seekers of liberation paths for the family tree "Those who from a young age constantly sought to revolutionize beliefs, leaving the paths marked by family traditions, those criticized, judged and even rejected, those, are usually called to free the tree of repetitive stories that frustrate entire generations." "Those that do not adapt, those who shout rebellion, play a basic role within each family system; they repair, detoxify and create a new and flourishing branch in the family tree. Thanks to these members, our trees renew their roots. His rebellion is fertile land, his madness is water that nourishes, his stubbornness is new air, his passion is fire that rekindles the hearts of the ancestors." "Let no one make you doubt, take care of your "rarity" like the most precious flower in your tree. "You are the dre...

I started succeeding when I stopped fighting small battles. I no longer engaged with those who gossiped about me, as that would have been a waste of my energy. I chose not to fight with my siblings, cousins and in-laws, as those types of conflicts are often unproductive. I stopped seeking attention or trying to meet others' expectations of me, as that can be a distraction from pursuing your own vision. I also stopped fighting for my rights with people who were unlikely to listen or change. I realized that I needed to pick my battles wisely, and leave the petty fights for those who had nothing better to focus on.  Instead, I redirected my time and effort towards fighting for my own vision, dreams, ideas, and destiny. The day I gave up on those small, unwinnable fights was the day I started becoming truly successful. The key insight here is that not every fight is worth your time and energy. You have to choose what you're going to devote yourself to very carefully. Focusing on yo...

 The Sorrows of Ancestral Homes Ancestral homes are uniquely divided into courtyards, halls, verandas, airy rooms, and kitchens, yet connected to one another. In these homes, worn red brick floors and lime-washed damp walls are overgrown with rampant vines. Tall grass grows in the center, while a mango tree and a lemon tree stand sentinel, embodying a perpetual mourning as they silently gaze in one direction. Inside, the atmosphere is also uniform. Brass and copper utensils rest on the shelves, waiting for hands that dust and polish the furniture, while bowls and teapots remain empty. Clothes and linens stored in closets wait to be taken out, and walking sticks, wheelchairs, and canes search for hands to lean on. Framed family pictures—black-and-white and sepia photographs—along with old suitcases and sacred books, are placed on shelves, as well as ancient literature from Baba Adam's time; everything sits in its own designated place. The inhabitants of these ancestral homes are now...

Many Pakistanis dream of settling abroad, believing it offers better opportunities and a higher quality of life. However, this decision to leave one's homeland is often bittersweet.  When a young Pakistani crosses that metaphorical gate to pursue their fortunes overseas, the place they once called home no longer feels like their true home. There is a sense of finality to this decision - no longer can they simply return as they once did. Their room, their family home, becomes a place preserved more in memory than in daily life. As they board the plane and watch Pakistan fade into the distance, a profound realization sets in. The life they once knew has been left behind, and they must now start afresh in a foreign land. They are no longer just a common person, but an expatriate navigating the challenges of adapting to a new culture and environment. The distance from family and friends becomes a constant source of pain and guilt. The family back home may initially mourn the absence of...

We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough, and we'll be more content when they are. After that, we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage. We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our partner gets his or her act together when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice holiday, when we retire. The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when? Your life will always be filled with challenges. It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway. A quote comes from Alfred D. Souza. He said, "For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, or a debt to be pa...