Whispers of the Soul by Nadia Nizam

  One Missed Call… And a Lifetime of Truth The Mirror Our Children Hold Up Yesterday, someone from our extended family called after decades of silence. At the time, my daughter was using my phone, so I remained unaware. Today, when I noticed the missed call and asked her about it, she replied calmly: “Mom, I didn’t tell you because I didn’t understand why they would call after so many years. Do they need something? Or is it some very special occasion? People like this don’t call out of love, they call when they need something.” I tried to defend them. I said it might be something important, that perhaps they wanted to say something meaningful, and that she should have answered the call. But her response stopped me in my tracks. “Mom,” she said gently, “I’m sorry if this hurts you, but as long as I can remember, such people reach out only on their own terms, when they need you, when it suits them. And once their need is fulfilled, they disappear. Sometimes they even point out your f...

A family friend called me yesterday, expressing mixed emotions about her son moving to California. She asked for my honest opinion, and here it is the general opinion of majority of the pakistani people, my friend. The story of the hard-earned lives of self-made individuals in foreign countries begins the day they receive a visa, and families celebrate their child's achievement. However, in reality, this often leads to a loss of genuine love and bonding. Families cannot see the hardships faced by their children living far away, out of sight and reach. These individuals start their lives from ground zero, without support and affection during tough times. Parents cannot perceive their child's suffering, and siblings cannot feel the miserable foundation of their brother's or sister's life. While children in Pakistan live comfortably under their parents' roof, one child struggles day and night to earn enough money to pay rent, bills, insurance in a foreign country. That...

My father always taught us to be self-reliant and to never rely on anyone else's generosity. Visiting someone’s house frequently is equivalent to losing your self-worth. Perhaps because of his upbringing, I still make it a point to buy valuable gifts before visiting someone. Even a simple cup of tea at someone else's home feels like a burden to me. It seems like my father's voice follows me everywhere, reminding me of this lesson. Spending a night at anyone's house, aside from my parents, is the most uncomfortable thing for me. To this day, I haven’t been able to explain this to anyone. It feels like an intrinsic part of my nature. Meanwhile there’s a truth I’ve wrestled with, learned through more than a few bumps and bruises in life, and it’s this: opening your home to someone long-term (more than 2 weeks), no matter how much you love them, is a gamble you’ll almost always lose. I know the impulse well. That deep desire to help, to offer a safe haven to a friend in nee...

سلام ہو اس بیٹی پر جس نے اپنے والدین کو بڑا ہونے میں مدد کی۔ ان کی سرد مہری کو قبول کیا، ان کے غصے کو معاف کیا، ان کی غلطیوں کو درگزر کیا، انہیں انسان بننا سکھایا۔  سلام ہو اس بہن پر جس نے بغاوت کی قیمت چکائی۔ پوری قوت سے چیخی، پتے کی طرح کانپی لیکن سر بلند کھڑی رہی، آمریت کو کبھی بھی بغیر لڑے جانے نہیں دیا، اپنے بہن بھائیوں کے لیے آسانی سے سانس لینے کا راستہ ہموار کیا۔   زندگی میں اپنا مقصد تلاش کرنے کے لیے بے چین، اپنے عقائد میں مضبوط، نسلوں اور نسلوں کی ثقافتی اقدار کی نفی کرنے والی۔   اس لڑکی پر جس نے اپنی ماں کے صدمے کو اپنے کندھوں پر اٹھایا۔ اسے اپنے اندر سمو لیا، خود کو اس رحم کی تصویر میں بدل لیا جس میں وہ کبھی رہتی تھی، خود کو ان مصیبتوں میں غرق کر لیا جو اس کی تھیں بھی نہیں، ان زخموں کو چھپایا جنہیں وہ پہچان بھی نہیں سکتی تھی۔  سلام ہو اس عورت پر جو یہ بھول گئی کہ وہ کون ہے۔ ہر کسی کی نجات دہندہ بننے کے لیے اتنی پرعزم، اپنے خاندان کو ٹھیک کرنے کے لیے، اپنے اردگرد کے ہر فرد کی پرورش اور محبت کرنے کے لیے۔ اتنی گہری کھوئی ہوئی کہ وہ بھول گئی کہ وہ بھ...

Have you ever noticed that when someone cannot confront their own faults, they make you the problem instead? It's easier for them to portray you as the villain than to face their mistakes or take responsibility for their failures & actions. By shifting the blame onto you, they create a convenient distraction from the truths they've been avoiding. Recently, a lifelong loser attempted to blame me for his dysfunctional relationship with his sister. Well, my dear, instead of blaming others, take a moment to reflect on your past and present. Your long history of affairs, your friendships, and your troubled relationship with your parents are prime examples of your personality. I don't remember finding myself in any of your dramas. But Yes, Meanwhile, you were wrapped up in your arrogance, intimidating others with your anger. I was focused on building my life and career, working hard to achieve what I have today. So, grow up and mature; try to accept your personal flaws instea...

 اپنی زندگی کو کسی کے لیے عیاں نہ کریں حسد ہمیشہ وہاں سے آتا ہے جہاں لوگ آپ کے گھر آ کر آپ کے حالات اور دولت کو جانتے ہیں۔ کوئی آپ کو نقصان نہیں پہنچا سکتا جب تک وہ آپ کے گھر کی تفصیلات نہ جانتا ہو۔ کوئی بھی آپ کے منصوبوں کو ناکام نہیں بنا سکتا جب تک آپ خود اسے اپنا راز نہ بتائیں۔ آپ کا راز آپ کا قیدی ہے، لیکن جیسے ہی آپ اسے کسی کے سامنے ظاہر کرتے ہیں، آپ خود اس کے قیدی بن جاتے ہیں۔ بعض اوقات حسد کرنے والے لوگ مشورے کے پردے میں آپ کو نقصان پہنچانے کی کوشش کرتے ہیں۔ کوئی آپ کے خاندان کے لیے سازش نہیں کر سکتا جب تک وہ آپ کے گھر میں کثرت سے آتا جاتا نہ ہو۔ کوئی بھی آپ کی کمزوریوں کو نہیں جان سکتا جب تک وہ آپ کے قریب نہ رہا ہو۔ ہر عزیز کے لیے بھی ایک حد مقرر کریں۔ یہ توقع نہ کریں کہ کوئی آپ کے راز کو محفوظ رکھے گا، جبکہ آپ خود اسے چھپا نہ سکے۔ یہاں میرا مطلب یہ نہیں کہ آپ لوگوں سے رابطہ ختم کر دیں۔ نہیں، ہرگز نہیں۔ بلکہ یہ کہ آپ حدود کا تعین کریں اور ان حدود کو عبور نہ ہونے دیں۔ اپنی زندگی کو کسی کے لیے مکمل طور پر ظاہر نہ کریں، کیونکہ لوگ کب بدل جائیں، یہ آپ کو معلوم نہیں ہوتا۔ جو لوگ...

  People often find themselves disrespected and treated poorly by others, and understanding the underlying reasons can help in addressing the issue. Here are some key reasons why this happens: You Allow Disrespect : One of the primary reasons people treat you poorly is that you permit it. If you don't set boundaries, others may feel free to disrespect you without fear of consequences. Constant Availability : Being overly available can lead to being taken for granted. When you give your unreserved attention to others, they may come to expect it, leading to a lack of respect for your time and feelings. Lack of Personal Growth : If you are not actively working on improving yourself or building value in your life, others may perceive you as lacking ambition or purpose. This can lead to them treating you as irrelevant or unimportant. Seeking Approval : When you live to impress others and prioritize their opinions over your own, you lose your sense of self. This can result in others feel...

 جوانی میں انسان باپ کو شک کی نگاہ سے دیکھتا رہتا ہے ، جیسے باپ کو ہمارے مسائل ، تکلیفوں یا ضرورتوں کا احساس ہی نہیں ، یہ نئے دور کے تقاضوں کو نہیں سمجھتا . کبھی کبھی ہم اپنے باپ کا موازنہ بھی کرنا شروع کر دیتے ہیں ، " اتنی محنت ہمارے باپ نے کی ہوتی ، بچت کی ہوتی ،کچھ بنایا ہوتا تو آج ہم بھی ...فلاں کی طرح عالیشان گھر ، گاڑی میں گھوم رہے ہوتے " " کہاں ہو ؟ کب آؤ گے ؟ زیادہ دیر نہ کرنا " جیسے سوالات انتہائی فضول اور فالتو سے لگتے ہیں . " سویٹر تو پہنا ہے کچھ اور بھی پہن لو سردی بہت ہے " انسان سوچتا ہے کہ اولڈ فیشن کی وجہ سے والد کو باہر کی دنیا کا اندازہ نہیں . اکثر اولادیں اپنے باپ کو ایک ہی معیار پر پرکھتی ہیں، گھر ، گاڑی، پلاٹ ، بینک بیلنس ، کاروبار اور اپنی ناکامیوں کو باپ کے کھاتے میں ڈال کر خود سرخرو ہو جاتے ہیں " ہمارے پاس بھی کچھ ہوتا تو اچھےاسکول میں پڑھتے، کاروبار کرتے " اس میں شک نہیں ، اولاد کے لئے آئیڈیل بھی انکا باپ ہی ہوتا ہے لیکن کچھ باتیں جوانی میں سمجھ نہیں آتیں یا ہم سمجھنے کی کوشش نہیں کرتے ،اسلئے کہ ہمارے سامنے وقت کی ضرورت ...

Syeda Qanita Begum :  A Pioneer in Pashto Literature Syeda Qanita Begum, born on April 21, 1908, in Sra Dherai (also known as Surkh Dheri or Baghicha Dheri in Mardan, Pakistan), is a significant figure in Pashto literature and cultural history. Coming from an educated Pathan "Mian" family, her father, Mian Waseeuddin, was a director in the Archaeological Department and earned recognition in Ziarat as "Baitano Mian Sahib". Her father was resident of a small village in mardan, Baghicha Dheri (then called Surkh Dheri) and served in the Archeological Survey of India, and was awarded the title of Khan Bahadur and Khan Sahib for his service under Sir Aurel Stein and Sir John Marshall in excavating and cataloging the Gandhara and Ashoka sites at Swat, Takht-e-Bahi, Sudher and Taxila, among others. He was a member of the Kakakhel Miangan,living in baghicha dheri, mardan, a clan of sunni Syeds, whose members can all trace their descent from ...

While sharing my life experiences with my daughter, I’ve come to realize something important about trust. Once I see a person's true nature, it becomes difficult for me to trust them completely. I may stay in touch, but my belief in them will be diminished, and I will remain vigilant for their next move. There is a saying: you can change nurtured behavior, but not nature, because nature is innate—it's in a person’s blood. A loser will remain a loser, even when given great opportunities in life. A selfish person will always be self-oriented, focused on "I," "me," and "myself." Someone with bad intentions toward others will never find peace, as karma has a way of catching up with them. We must also be aware that some individuals, like snakes, may stay close to us, silently observing our lives and waiting for the right moment to strike. These can be friends or family—often, it’s those we trust and respect the most who can cause us harm.  These harmful...

  The 48 Laws of Power  is a book written by Robert Greene that offers a series of strategies for obtaining and maintaining power in various situations. Below is a summary of the 48 Laws: 1. Never Outshine the Master : Make your superiors feel superior. Avoid showcasing your talents excessively, as this may trigger their insecurities. 2. Never Trust Friends Too Much; Use Your Enemies : Friends can betray you more easily. If you manage to win over an enemy, they may become more loyal. 3. Conceal Your Intentions : Keep people off balance so they cannot anticipate your actions. 4. Always Say Less Than Necessary : Silence breeds power; speaking too much reveals your plans. 5. Protect Your Reputation at All Costs : Reputation is the cornerstone of power. 6. Court Attention at All Costs : Be visible to remain relevant. 7. Make Others Work for You, but Always Take the Credit : Leverage the efforts of others to your advantage. 8. Make Others Come to You : Instead of chasing others, ma...

 The way people perceive you is a complex tapestry woven from their personal experiences, beliefs, and backgrounds. Often, I reflect on the various roles I inhabit in the narratives of others, realizing that to some, I am a villain, while to others, I am a savior. This dichotomy highlights a fundamental truth: their perceptions are largely shaped by their own histories and biases, rather than an accurate reflection of my true self. For instance,  My vibrant personality might be seen as charming by some, yet perceived as overwhelming by others. Similarly, the emotional openness that some find comforting can be viewed by others as a sign of weakness. Even my self-confidence, which I see as a source of pride, can be interpreted as arrogance in the eyes of a different observer.  This inconsistency underscores a critical lesson: I have no control over how others interpret my actions or character. Therefore, it’s essential to focus on self-acceptance and authenticity rather tha...

Do you know who is the most threatening woman to our society?   The one who truly knows herself and value her worth. A woman with self-esteem can be recognized by her personal boundaries. She is a woman who firmly says "no" and distances herself from any place or relationship that does not acknowledge her worth or essence without hesitation. A woman who values herself never begs for respect! She naturally establishes this in her relationships because she respects herself. In her life, no man acts disrespectfully, no friend speaks rudely, and no relative behaves inappropriately that she would tolerate. She removes all of them from her life. Her life is characterized by a sense of royalty, not based on wealth, but on her dignity, respect, and standards, which align with her true value. A woman with self-esteem never uses her emotions, needs, or desire for support as an excuse to remain in toxic or deceitful relationships. She easily distances herself from anything unworthy of h...

Today, my daughter overheard someone on the phone using harsh language and a ruthless tone. She couldn’t believe that I was laughing loudly and enjoying the whole situation. She asked, "Mama, was he drunk while talking?" I laughed for a long time, imagining that guy with a double shot of vodka in one hand and texting with the other. My daughter said, "Mama, you didn’t mind it at all." I replied, "My dear, on a serious note, I actually enjoy people like that. When someone is disrespectful, it shows nothing but immaturity and arrogance. Try not to take it personally; it’s not really about you, but rather a reflection of their own character. Only those who are unhappy with themselves are mean to others. When someone is trying to hide something and gets caught, they often react like shallow cowards to mask their insecurities.  Every unsuccessful person shares the same story: they showcase fake power by shouting, disrespecting others, and displaying arrogance. That’...

I started succeeding when I stopped fighting small battles. I no longer engaged with those who gossiped about me, as that would have been a waste of my energy. I chose not to fight with my siblings, cousins and in-laws, as those types of conflicts are often unproductive. I stopped seeking attention or trying to meet others' expectations of me, as that can be a distraction from pursuing your own vision. I also stopped fighting for my rights with people who were unlikely to listen or change. I realized that I needed to pick my battles wisely, and leave the petty fights for those who had nothing better to focus on.  Instead, I redirected my time and effort towards fighting for my own vision, dreams, ideas, and destiny. The day I gave up on those small, unwinnable fights was the day I started becoming truly successful. The key insight here is that not every fight is worth your time and energy. You have to choose what you're going to devote yourself to very carefully. Focusing on yo...

 The Sorrows of Ancestral Homes Ancestral homes are uniquely divided into courtyards, halls, verandas, airy rooms, and kitchens, yet connected to one another. In these homes, worn red brick floors and lime-washed damp walls are overgrown with rampant vines. Tall grass grows in the center, while a mango tree and a lemon tree stand sentinel, embodying a perpetual mourning as they silently gaze in one direction. Inside, the atmosphere is also uniform. Brass and copper utensils rest on the shelves, waiting for hands that dust and polish the furniture, while bowls and teapots remain empty. Clothes and linens stored in closets wait to be taken out, and walking sticks, wheelchairs, and canes search for hands to lean on. Framed family pictures—black-and-white and sepia photographs—along with old suitcases and sacred books, are placed on shelves, as well as ancient literature from Baba Adam's time; everything sits in its own designated place. The inhabitants of these ancestral homes are now...

You don't just lose someone once. You lose them over and over, sometimes many times a day. When the loss, momentarily forgotten, creeps up and attacks you from behind, fresh waves of grief wash over you as the realization hits home—they are gone, again. You don't just lose someone once. You lose them every time you open your eyes to a new dawn. As you awaken, so does your memory, along with the jolting bolt of lightning that rips into your heart—they are gone, again. Losing someone is a journey, not a one-off event. There is no end to the loss; there is only a learned skill of staying afloat when it washes over you. Be kind to those who are sailing this stormy sea. They have a journey ahead of them, and every day brings a shock to their system as they realize— they are gone, again. You don't just lose someone once. You lose them every day, for a lifetime. It takes a village.

Many Pakistanis dream of settling abroad, believing it offers better opportunities and a higher quality of life. However, this decision to leave one's homeland is often bittersweet.  When a young Pakistani crosses that metaphorical gate to pursue their fortunes overseas, the place they once called home no longer feels like their true home. There is a sense of finality to this decision - no longer can they simply return as they once did. Their room, their family home, becomes a place preserved more in memory than in daily life. As they board the plane and watch Pakistan fade into the distance, a profound realization sets in. The life they once knew has been left behind, and they must now start afresh in a foreign land. They are no longer just a common person, but an expatriate navigating the challenges of adapting to a new culture and environment. The distance from family and friends becomes a constant source of pain and guilt. The family back home may initially mourn the absence of...

 اپنے آپ کو ان لوگوں سے دور رکھیں جو کبھی اپنی غلطیوں کا اعتراف نہیں کرتے اور ہمیشہ الزام آپ پر لگاتے ہیں۔ جب کوئی اپنی غلطی تسلیم کرنے سے انکار کرتا ہے، تو وہ ایک مستقل تنازعہ اور جذباتی تھکن کا ماحول پیدا کرتے ہیں - ایک ایسا مقام جہاں جوابدہی کو مسلسل انحراف سے تبدیل کر دیا جاتا ہے۔ ایسے تعلقات میں، آپ جلدی سیکھ لیتے ہیں کہ آپ کو ایک مکمل انسان کے طور پر نہیں بلکہ ان کی اپنی کمزوریوں کا سامنا کرنے کی ناکامی کے لیے ایک بلی کا بکرا سمجھا جا رہا ہے۔  یاد رکھیں: یہ رویہ آپ کے بارے میں نہیں ہے - یہ ان کے بارے میں ہے۔ ان کی غلطی تسلیم کرنے کی عدم آمادگی ان کے اپنے خوف، غرور، اور کبھی کبھار گہرے عدم تحفظ کی عکاسی کرتی ہے۔ وہ کہانی کو اس طرح موڑ دیتے ہیں کہ ہر غلطی، ہر تنازعہ، آپ کی غلطی ہے۔ وقت کے ساتھ، یہ آپ کی خود اعتمادی کو کمزور کر سکتا ہے اور آپ کو اپنی قیمت پر سوال اٹھانے پر مجبور کر سکتا ہے۔ یہ خود شک، جرم، اور جذباتی کشمکش کا ایک تھکا دینے والا چکر بن جاتا ہے۔  اپنی توانائی کی حفاظت کا مطلب یہ ہے کہ آپ یہ تسلیم کریں کہ آپ کو ایسے تعلقات کی ضرورت ہے جہاں جوابدہی اور ہمد...

 In the realm of adolescence, where emotions run wild, There dances a girl, just fifteen, an enigmatic child. She navigates a world of change, where hormones ebb and flow, And in her heart's tempest, her true self seeks to show. Her behavior, oftentimes, a puzzle to unfold, A mix of contradictions, a story yet untold. She yearns for independence, to spread her wings and soar, But still clings to childhood, uncertain of what's in store. Her moods can be a tempest, swirling fierce and strong, One moment filled with laughter, the next, a mournful song. She battles inner demons that nobody else can see, And struggles to make sense of her own identity. She questions societal norms, rebels against the grain, Challenging authority, seeking freedom from the chain. Her defiance can be daunting, a whirlwind of unrest, But beneath that fiery surface, a tender heart beats in her chest. She craves validation, acceptance, a place to call her own, Yet fears rejection, judgment, feeling painfu...