A Mother's Self Induced Anxiety

It takes a significant amount of time to fully grasp the realization that each individual is ultimately responsible for their own life. A mother, in particular, must come to understand that her personal anguish, mortification, depression, courage, insomnia, and stress do not solve her family's problems, but rather exacerbate her own. It is crucial for her to recognize that she is not accountable for the actions of others; however, she is responsible for her own reactions to those actions. Therefore, her primary duty to herself is to remain calm and allow each person to address and resolve their own problems, as she can only exert influence over her own life. Each individual possesses the necessary internal resources to navigate their own journey, and while she may offer advice if solicited, the final decision to follow it or not rests solely with the person seeking guidance.

Mothers should no longer bear the burden of their older children's responsibilities, guilt, remorse, faults, complaints, or duties. They should refrain from solving their problems or constantly coming to their aid. Every member of the household should be regarded as an independent and self-sufficient adult. This shift in mindset will contribute to improved functioning within the family unit, as each member becomes aware of their individual responsibilities and understands what needs to be done.

As parents, we sometimes fall into the trap of excessive protectiveness, forgetting that our children must eventually take accountability for their own actions and learn to stand on their own. Once they reach adulthood, it is essential to allow them to experience life from their own perspective and learn from their own mistakes. We cannot fix everything for them. Unfortunately, in our culture, parents often intrude into their children's lives, desiring to be aware of every aspect and subsequently resorting to dictating, advising, and interfering. When children reject or disregard these suggestions, parents may feel insecure and become depressed. Consequently, they experience anxiety, depression, and stress during the latter years of their lives. It is crucial to recognize that this self-induced depression arises from holding a tight grip on our children, ultimately subjecting ourselves to lifelong stress.

It is undeniably true that every individual is responsible for their own life. As mothers, we frequently forget to prioritize self-care as we become consumed with overthinking and managing everyone else's problems. This self-neglect often leads to suffering and illness, leaving us to recover and mend ourselves in isolation while others carry on with their lives. As women, it is imperative that we prioritize self-care and tend to our own well-being; otherwise, we will endure suffering in solitude.

Nadia Nizam