Leg Pulling, Jealousy, and Hidden Hate Within Pakistani Society

Yesterday, I came across an article about a simple seating bench that had been installed by a welfare organization for public use. It was meant to serve as a small act of community care, a place where the elderly could rest, pedestrians could sit for a moment, or someone waiting for transport could find comfort. But what was heartbreaking was that the very next day, that same bench had been removed and thrown into the trash. As disturbing as the act itself was, what affected me even more was reading the public comments under that post. Instead of sadness or concern, many responses were filled with mockery, blame, sarcasm, and even satisfaction. People weren’t asking why this happened or how it could be prevented in the future — they were ridiculing the effort itself.

One of the most painful realities we often refuse to admit about ourselves as Pakistanis is that many of our biggest obstacles are not external, they are internal. Sometimes, the hands that hold us back are not strangers, but our own relatives, colleagues, neighbors, community and even friends. In our culture, the moment someone begins to rise, whether through education, business, marriage, migration, or financial stability, a silent discomfort starts spreading around them. Instead of collective pride, whispers begin:

💥“Uska business kaise chal gaya?”

💥“Itni jaldi promotion mil gayi?”

💥“Foreign ka visa lag gaya? Zaroor koi source hoga.”

💥“Shaadi achay ghar mein ho gayi? Kismat dekho.”

Rather than celebrating someone’s growth, we begin dissecting it.

The Culture of Leg Pulling

💥A young graduate gets a job through merit. Instead of encouragement, people say:“Dekhte hain kitne din tikta hai.”

💥A relative starts a business. Instead of becoming their customer, others warn: “Iska maal mehnga hai.”

“Is par trust mat karna.”

💥A girl excels academically. Instead of appreciation: “Zyada parh likh kar karegi kya? Aakhir ghar hi sambhalna hai.”

💥A boy sends money home from abroad after years of struggle. Instead of prayers: “Dollar bhej raha hai toh wahan maze mein hoga” "Haram kmata hoga" "Sood hoga iskay maal me" 

Sometimes, leg pulling appears in subtle ways:

• Not recommending someone for an opportunity even when you can.

• Hiding useful information.

• Discouraging them in the name of “realistic advice.”

• Comparing them negatively to others.

• Spreading rumors to damage credibility.

All of this stems from something deeper — Hasad (Jealousy).

Jealousy: A Spiritual Disease

The Qur’an openly warns us about jealousy because it destroys both the jealous and the one being envied. Allah says in:

– Surah An-Nisa (4:54)

“Or do they envy people for what Allah has given them of His bounty?”

Jealousy is not just disliking someone’s success, it is wishing that their blessing is taken away.

And sometimes this jealousy is so intense that it turns into silent hatred and bad intentions.

Mockery, Backbiting, and Social Sabotage

In many of our gatherings:

• We laugh at someone’s failure.

• We gossip about someone’s marriage problems.

• We assume corruption behind someone’s success.

• We enjoy exposing mistakes rather than covering them.

Allah strictly forbids this behavior:

– Surah Al-Hujurat (49:11)

“Let not one group mock another group; it may be that they are better than them.” And further:

– Surah Al-Hujurat (49:12)

“…Do not spy on one another nor backbite. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother?”

Yet in daily life:

• Someone’s divorce becomes chai-time discussion.

• Someone’s financial loss becomes entertainment.

• Someone’s child’s failure becomes comparison material.

• Someone's present success and fame becomes the past browsing topic.

Unfortunately, this mindset is not only limited to society at large — it is so deeply embedded within our personal relationships that sometimes the highest level of jealousy exists between siblings themselves.

The very people who grow up under the same roof, share the same parents, eat from the same kitchen, and witness each other’s struggles from childhood can quietly become competitors in adulthood. For example:

• If one brother starts earning more, the other may begin to feel threatened rather than proud. Instead of saying, “MashaAllah, may Allah put barakah in your income,” the response may become passive remarks like:

“Dekhte hain kitni der chalta hai yeh business.” "Yeh chalaki or hoshyari mujhay nhn ati" "haram kamata hoga" 

• If one sister gets married into a financially stable or educated family, another sister may begin comparing lifestyles, gifts, or even the standard of living, not out of need, but out of an internal discomfort that

“Why not me, I was better than her?” "Bhai hmay yeh khushamand o chaploosi kerni nhn ati" "Showoff he" "Paisay ka dikhawa kerti he" and if nothing works then brings back the past stories of her to ridicule her. 

• When parents begin praising one child’s achievements, academic success, career growth, or responsibility, other siblings may interpret appreciation as favoritism. Over time, this perception slowly transforms into resentment.

It doesn’t stop at emotions; it begins to show in behavior:

• A sibling may deliberately discourage another from pursuing a business idea:

“Market bohot down hai, risk mat lo.”

"Tumhae nhn pta "

"Yeh tumharay bss ki baat nhn"

"Yeh paisa mujhay daido, ma invest krdoonga"

when in reality, they fear being left behind. So the last resort is to dominant the other’s mind.

• Information about opportunities, jobs, immigration pathways, investments may be withheld rather than shared. 

• In some cases, misunderstandings are even created between a sibling and their spouse to disturb their peace and stability.

• A brother may feel uncomfortable if his sister becomes more financially independent than him.

• A sister may feel unsettled if her brother’s wife begins to live a more comfortable life than her.

What begins as silent comparison often evolves into competition, then insecurity, and eventually into concealed hostility, all hidden behind smiles at family gatherings.

This is exactly why Islam places such strong emphasis on purifying the heart from envy. Allah warns us through Surah Yousaf, sometimes the pain of jealousy does not come from strangers, it comes from those who know us the best.

When Bad Intentions Become Action

Jealousy does not always stay in the heart. Sometimes it leads to:

• Giving wrong advice deliberately.

• Blocking someone’s rishta.

• Creating misunderstandings between spouses.

• Causing disputes in business partnerships.

• Misguiding someone in career choices.

• Isolating someone but spreading rumors and destroying reputation. 

The Qur’an warns us about the harm that comes from such intentions:

– Surah Al-Falaq (113:5)

“And from the evil of the envier when he envies.”

Islam teaches us the exact opposite mindset:

– Surah Al-Ma'idah (5:2)

“…And cooperate in righteousness and piety…”

Imagine if:

• Relatives promoted each other’s businesses.

• Friends genuinely supported each other’s growth.

• Families made dua instead of doubting success.

• Communities shared knowledge instead of hiding it.

Our collective progress would multiply. But all it can happen if we accept our Naseeb written by Allah and his distribution between his creation. Without Allah's will, nothing happens in life. It needs strong belief in your God and acceptance of his plans for our life. But unfortunately we are Muslims, accept God as creator but that's all.

The tragedy is not that Pakistan lacks talent. The tragedy is that talent often lacks support from its own people. Until we replace:

• Comparison with compassion,

• Jealousy with gratitude,

• Leg pulling with sincere support,

we will continue fighting each other while expecting collective success.

And perhaps the real question is not:

“Why are we not progressing as a nation?”

But:

“Why are we uncomfortable when someone among us does?”