Raising Daughters

 We need to raise daughters not merely as girls, ladies, or women, but as empowered human beings. We should nurture them to be resilient, like solid rock, so no one can break their spirit. Observing a life recently, it became clear how mothers who feel disempowered can inadvertently raise daughters who also feel weak. Mothers who attribute everything to fate risk passing their own traumas and limitations onto their daughters, which is a disservice.

I firmly believe in the power of the father-daughter bond. My husband often remarks that my independence stems from my close relationship with my father. My strength and authenticity are rooted in this connection. I've never felt the need to impress others, seek validation from men, or rely on them for decisions. This is because I've always believed that intelligence and maturity are not gender-specific; they depend on individual experiences and exposure.

Mothers who teach their daughters to take full responsibility for home affairs, children, and husbands often reinforce the idea that it’s solely a mother’s duty to manage everything while others are seen as entitled guests who must be pampered. These mothers encourage their daughters to forget themselves and start a new life centered around household duties. They often teach their daughters not to stand up for themselves in order to maintain a peaceful marriage.

It's the mother who instructs her daughter to spend all day in the kitchen, feeding everyone because it’s deemed their duty. She may ask her daughter to cook, clean, do laundry, and ensure her husband’s happiness. Furthermore, it's the mother who advises her daughter to remain calm and silent, even when her husband is struggling with mental health issues.

This perpetuates a generational cycle where daughters are raised by mothers who keep them close, instilling cultural values that burden them as they move to their own households. 

I wish every daughter would stay close to her father to learn solid principles, resilience, and dedication. You are not your mother; you are a unique individual filled with life, possessing your own thoughts, circumstances, and life experiences. You cannot address your life’s challenges in the same manner as your mother did. No two people experience the same situations; it’s important to think for yourself. 

Marriage is not the ultimate goal of life; there is so much more to it. Marriage entails responsibility and the struggles necessary to maintain it over time. So, when your mother tells you that your friends are getting married, and you should too, respond by saying that you’re not ready to share that responsibility or commitment right now. It isn’t a competition based on peers or timing; it’s a serious commitment. 

Ask your father what a man truly seeks in marriage and then consider whether you are ready for that. Life is too short to be wasted on unrealistic expectations and cultural pressures. 

I didn't mention religious values because if everyone truly followed Islamic principles, marriage would be a beautiful chapter of life. Our religion teaches that husbands and wives are each other's garments, and marriage should embody peace.

Nadia Nizam