Poor Woman

Yesterday at the party, a close senior friend advised me about inheritance, saying, "Dear, remember not to give your property or assets to your children during your lifetime. Even if you can’t take care of them, hold on to them until your death. Once you’re gone, they will automatically pass to your family, but not while you’re alive."

On my way home, I reflected on the many women in Pakistan who have not followed this advice and ended up losing everything, leaving them dependent and with painful lives. I thought of a family friend who pressured her husband to sell his hard-earned lands to support their son in building a house. In the end, no one knows what happened to that house, and today my friend has not a single penny in her bank account to support herself; she relies entirely on her son for her needs. Her husband couldn’t even afford his medical expenses in the end.  

Another woman I knew died shortly after her husband's passing because both of her sons took full control of the assets, leaving her to fend for herself. She lived a miserable life and eventually passed away at her parents' home. Another relative of mine endured a life of poverty while her brothers enjoyed a luxurious lifestyle funded by their parents' inheritance, never contributing a single penny to their sister.

I have witnessed a village where nearly every home has an elderly woman living in miserable conditions because her sons, after marriage, have kicked her out of the home she lovingly created. In this village, there is a custom of naming property after the daughter-in-law during the Nikah, displacing mothers and fathers in their old age for the sake of securing their daughter-in-law's future.

Many women believe they are being kind and selfless by leaving their share to their brothers to maintain family harmony, but I worry for them. I have seen women, after their parents' passing, not even welcomed by their brothers or treated poorly by their families. This is a materialistic world; people often love free money and think selfishly about their own interests. When parents die, sons typically divide the property among themselves or continue living in their parents' home—often the daughter’s inheritance—while she feels unwelcome and unable to live there. Ultimately, the family home may be sold off, with little or no share given to the daughters. Often sons take hold of parents home, live there free all their life, gets all free benefits and then eventually sell the house and offer share to that old age sister. This is a common role of a son in Pakistan, to use parents inheritance for its own benefits all his life and then offer his sisters in the old age when she doesn't need it or she is not alive. On the other hand sometimes parents ask their daughters to leave their share to sons. I always call those brothers "Baighairat" who take shares of their sisters and call themselves a "gentleman". 

Remember, for a woman in Pakistan commonly, two blood ties can lead to devastation: one is her brother, and the other is her son. My lawyer always say that If you want to understand your brother’s true feelings, simply ask him about your share in your parents' property. His reaction will reveal his true character. Similarly, if you want to know your son’s real feelings, ask him to name half of your home after you and half after his wife. His response will reflect your worth in his life.

I wish I could encourage every woman to be smart and strong enough to differentiate between right and wrong, to set aside their emotions and think about the future. To preserve a few selfish relationships, they often overlook the struggles they’ve endured and their husbands’ hard-earned money. It’s essential to let children stand on their own feet so they can understand the power of self-reliance and self-worth. They must experience life’s hardships to grasp the true meaning of money and learn to make sound decisions for their future.

Nadia Nizam